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Saturday, August 9th, 2008
9:11 am


(astound me)

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008
12:26 am

i am not big enough to move for you. I need to stay here, just for a while.

i am big enough to love you.

(astound me)

Sunday, January 6th, 2008
3:24 pm - make out

i am looking at
your eyes
your mouth

i am pulling you gently
to me

i am leaning in
to touch your mouth
with mine

i am parting my lips
to gather more of you
as you part yours

i am touching your lips
with my tongue

i am pulling you in

i am feeling your heart

our tongues
are cuddling

i am grasping
your shirt

our mouths are pressed
firmly together

i am holding you
enjoying the heat
from your breath
on my cheek
and neck

(astound me)

Saturday, April 7th, 2007
7:58 pm - to a modern-day hero

There is a YouTube director that I have just stumbled upon, sadly 1 year after his departure. After a brief look at his profile which seemed to be rather silly and fun (if nothing else) brought me to the rest of his videos, the reason behind all of his videos became apparent: a message of hope.

The following is my very brief description (including the videos):

Some guy who took on the username and persona "MadV" who ripped the idea from the story V For Vendetta led a cult-like following on YouTube (who doesn't?).

His videos were always very short, usually no more than 30 seconds or so, and each one was a simple view of one thing or another, several of them focusing on very simple yet seemingly impossible magic tricks.

He always wears a Guy Fawkes mask and a gray hoodie to keep his identity hidden, and he never speaks, just moves.

On May 9th, 2006 he posted a video saying goodbye to the YouTube community and to all of his fans with a compilation video of his previous videos throughout his time as part of the YouTube Community.

Then on November 16, 2006 he released one last video:

Noted as the "Number One Most Replied To Video of All Time on YouTube (3000+ video responses)", 1 month later, on December 22, 2006, he compiled several of the responses into his last submitted video:

He has not been seen since on YouTube and has made no clear attempt to do so again. His final message is not only easily understood, but easily doable.

Feel free to redistribute this through your own bulletins, your blogs, anything you see fit.

Regardless of the fact that we are all going to die, that the planet will eventually be destroyed for one reason or another, we are still one race, one collective people, and we do have the ability and the chance AND the time to make things better.

The collective people can topple any barrier, any boundary, and any obstacles; it's just a matter of coming together and realizing the very few differences we have and making something great out of it.

It's up to each and every one of us whether we want to make a difference.


current mood: uncomfortable

(astound me)

Friday, February 23rd, 2007
10:17 am - fuck.

The art of the world is constantly around me, love fills the air, and it's just sickening.

If you chase more than one rabbit you run a greater risk of one of them being blood thirsty.

Dig deep but don't dig too deep
When it's late you'll see the hole is empty and oh so deadly
They want me raw and smooth like glass
They want it fast but they don't want flaws
I'm a girl's best friend
Can you cut, I can cut, 'cause I'm a rough gem

I have a problem.

My problem is love - true, unfortunate, unashamed, exaggerated, honest love.

My problem is that this love extends from me like a rapid wave of emotion entrancing all in its path and drawing my eyes to everyone I meet.

I fall in love with everyone I meet, and no one can acknowledge it as something that can be cured, something that can be helped.

No one loves me the same in return.

My love is intense. It will catch you off guard, it will leave you in a state of arrest, it will scare you, terrify you, enthrall you.

They always fall in love with me just as intensely, getting caught up in the rapids.

It's a high. Something like they've never experienced before. The feeling of love, for most, lasts but a few months, if that. That initial elation rapidly fades. And when they come back down they are tired, worn out, lacking. They leave, in search of something new.

It was something so great. Now it's just an even bigger scar.

So... I extend this invitation to you.

Allow me the pleasure of showing you love in its most raw form. You can strip everything from the loves of others leaving the love alone and you would find nothing as basically complex as my own.

Heh, I am always so tired... Do you know what it's like to drink in the beauty of the world day-in and day-out, appreciating everything, but never being able to express it in anything but an unrequited love toward everyone and everything you encounter?

No? That's okay, I didn't think so...

current mood: depressed

(6 out gazing at stars | astound me)

Tuesday, October 10th, 2006
5:07 pm - The Rabbit Hole

Did she trip, or did she take his hand
And jump?
Either way, she drops below ground level
Skirt billowing
A parachute to break her fall
And at the the bottom
She finds nothing adding up quite right at all
Between a grin without a cat
And a bottle labelled simply "Drink me"
Is the only understanding she can see.
She brushes off her skirt
And peers around the checkered hall
And she's pretty sure
She's not alone down here.

(astound me)

Saturday, June 17th, 2006
11:29 am - Hello Loves!

I have opened an on-line shop selling entirely handmade goodies. I love BRIGHT colors, pin-up girls, and dinosaurs. Everything in my shop is entirely handmade and one-of-a-kind. I will gladly accept personalized orders and/or ship internationally upon request!

I would love your support or feedback.


Thank you so much!


current mood: chipper

(astound me)

Monday, June 5th, 2006
11:23 am

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

(astound me)

Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
3:49 pm


lately, ive had this crazy obsession with music. i talk about it constantly, i live it, i breath it. song lyrics end up being the way i express myself. i find a new artist daily that i fall in love with, and all i want to do is share it with other people.

SOOO....i made a new community.


join. tell your friends. tell your friends friends.

im going to have new artists featured weekly, and would LOVE to have other peoples input on their favorite music.


(astound me)

Monday, January 23rd, 2006
2:45 am - Toodles

I havent been on LJ in quite a while so I've decided to leave the community. Thanks for having me!

(astound me)

Sunday, October 16th, 2005
1:43 am - Lingering
memries Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have, and you shouldn't have? 'Have' is such a bad word in these situations - it's not as if he belongs to you, or you to him. I'm sitting here with that familiar lilt in my heart, the one you feel when you're falling for someone. Butterflies not only in your stomach, but in your heart. Except this time, you know it won't happen, and it shouldn't happen. But you can't help that feeling, and you try to push it away.

I met up with my ex-boyfriend (who also happened to be my first relationship) yesterday, after not seeing him for about seven months. We'd stop decently contacting each other for over half a year, a bad fall out. Busy lives meant I had no time to deal with issues that may have arose from heartache/heartbreak, and I'd gone back home to a different country. But then a few days ago I had free time - and wanted 'closure', get it all cleared up from my life. Just a lot of unsettled issues, a lot of unnecessary anger and hostility. Almost hatred and open cruelty on his part. We'd each gone our own ways with spiteful words. We had a very bad breakup. Stormed out of each other's lives explosively. Almost literally. An explosive reaction, and we never cleared it up until yesterday. The first conversation we had after the while had me in tears, he was cold and callous, which had me offensive and defensive all at once. He called back the next day, we agreed to meet yesterday.

Met him, and we had a good time. Initially he was on a downer, in a foul and walled-up mood. But the evening progressed, and by the time it was night, he was smiling and laughing constantly. The most cheerful and playful I've ever seen him, actually. Went to a restaurant, shared a meal, breaking ice effectively. Walked around the city, stopped in different places, eventually tucked away on a quiet street with echoes of the birds, hiding from the rush of the city. Sorted things out between ourselves, kind of. Walked around a bit more, a new corner, talked while admiring the night.

On the way as he walked me back to the train station, I told him I'd come to say goodbye. He said he figured that out already. But by that time, I didn't feel like saying goodbye anymore. We lingered in front of the train station, I had my train to catch; he had his at another station, departing earlier than mine by a few minutes. He knows he's about to miss his train if he doesn't go now, I know that if I go to drop him off I'll miss my train. And both of them are the last trains home. Just stood there with a heaviness between us, neither of us looking like we wanted to leave. I didn't know what to do except look at him and smiled, "Bye", with a little wave.

He drew me in for a hug. All the while we'd met, we hadn't touch each other, not even slightly. Both taken extra care to avoid it. "Bye," he murmured.
"Bye..." I repeated, tried to sound firm. But ended up coming out listlessly lingering, the shadow of a sad smile now playing on my lips.
"I hope it's not bye forever..."
"I...bye...I came to say bye." Put my hand on his chest, over his heart instinctively, but made myself draw it away. He just held me close for a while, and the closeness of his body made me ache. All too familiar. The way his chest moved beneath my hand with each breath, the way he smelled, the heat of his body through his shirt, the warmness of his breath on my forehead. I pulled away, as we both knew I should.

He took my free hand (I was holding my purse in the other one) in his, running his fingers over mine slowly, entwined fingers. His other hand rested resiliently on my waist, traces of the hug. We were both too close to each other. Raised my head and looked into his face, the eye contact made me feel weak. Looked away. He drew me against him again when I did, kissed my hair.
I whispered with more than a trace of sad honesty in my voice, "I did love you..."
"As did I." He pressed me in closer yet, and I tried to keep our bodies apart. "And I...Maybe..."
"Huh? Maybe what?"
"Maybe. You know what maybe." I didn't know, but I looked up at him, and his eyes said it all. Either that was his eyes, or it was my heart silently speaking. Maybe I still do love you. And I thought I'd been over him months and months ago, and likewise.

Standing on tiptoes, and coming up only to his chin, I looked at him and his eyes lingered, just like everything else. Thinking, I would kiss him goodbye, but I shouldn't. This is so wrong. He's in a new relationship and he's going to get married. One of his hand still holding mine, the other firm on my back. I'm not supposed to be in his arms, we're not supposed to be looking at each other like this, I'm not suppose to ache this much from the nearness of him.

I kiss my fingertips and place it on his lips. He nods and kisses them, "This, I understand..."
"I will see you again."
"I don't know."
"Don't make this a permanent goodbye. I want to see you again."
"I don't know. I just...bye. Maybe. I don't know. Bye..."
"Bye..." His lips said bye, but his eyes said so much more. Too much more. Mine probably reflected the same.

I feel so weak now. All this is wrong. It was supposed to be goodbye, for good. It wasn't supposed to be us lingering so, as though we didn't want to part, as though our bodies were drawn together by a magnet, as though our eyes wanted to stay locked forever. It wasn't supposed to be that poignant, that reluctant. He's going to get married. I'm not one to get in between relationships, and I think that what he has in his new relationship is something that's rare and I would not dare graze it. I know I won't. Just writing this now because my heart's being disobedient.

(2 out gazing at stars | astound me)

Tuesday, September 13th, 2005
12:00 pm - shoulds coulds

He's almost brilliant. But doesn't care enough to keep going.

I'll keep him, but he isn't going to want to stay long. We are two of the same. Don't stand still.

(astound me)

Saturday, September 10th, 2005
1:58 am

(astound me)

Thursday, September 8th, 2005
1:04 pm

What shall one do when in love with two?

(1 out gazing at star | astound me)

Thursday, August 18th, 2005
1:49 pm
wo_bin_ich Coming here reminds me of you.
Of all the times you have plucked one of the abundant lilies that encompass us.
And stroked my bare legs with it.
Making me do the girly giggle which I hate.
Our distorted, green reflections bouncing off the water.
The gleaming sun, which sneaks through the trees reflecting off that damn ring which I want for myself.
All the times you have brushed wet links of brown hair from my face.
In the middle of this mossy lake.
The water lilies that encompass us.
The green reflections.
On the left side.
But in the reality, which in the dank morning I hate to face, you were never really here.
It was all in my mind.

I was told this is a good poem. Tell me what you think.

(3 out gazing at stars | astound me)

Monday, August 15th, 2005
8:21 pm

kill me now. kill me now.

(2 out gazing at stars | astound me)

Friday, August 12th, 2005
9:49 pm

i gotta get over him

gotta get over him

gotta get over him

gotta get over him


this hurts too much

(1 out gazing at star | astound me)

Thursday, August 11th, 2005
10:35 pm

is it worse, to have never met someone, and want to see them so badly...

or to finally meet that person, and then miss them ?

(1 out gazing at star | astound me)

Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
10:18 pm

New member. Be gentle.

18, going into college, horribly in love with my best friend.

She knows I like her and I know she likes me, but she has been going out with someone for over a year and obviously likes him more. I will keep a safe distance but I will not give up (unless I absolutely have to).

Going to different colleges will not help. Instead of 5 minutes away she'll be an hour and a half away.

We're both intent on keeping our friendship through college and (I pray) after.

I just need advice. I do not believe I can love someone as much as I do her. She is the most beautiful person I have ever met on so many different levels. And unlike other people who I've felt this way for, these feelings have been going on for well over a year, and the friendship even longer.

Again, I need advice. I can not and her friends can not get her to break up with her asshole of a boyfriend, and I will not try. I am not one to hurt someone on purpose and I am not one to take initiative in most situations. I'm shy and I will not do anything drastic. I just need help.

If you've been in a situation like this I would love any advice you have. It hurts. That much you've probably already gathered, though. So please, help if you can.

But do not tell me to give up.

current mood: depressed

(1 out gazing at star | astound me)

Saturday, July 9th, 2005
11:08 pm - Deftone's Passenger Makes us wanna get it on.

Joe, 23 Carpenter.
Lover of Philosophy and Language
Mini Mowhawk, 5 tattoos.
world traveler and direct decendent of the first king of ireland.

Its easy to love someone. All you have to want to do is walk through hell with them. He'd be easy to love, but life and distance it too much to really care.

i said i would give this fantisy up when we departed. At least i can share.

(2 out gazing at stars | astound me)

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